Uncoachable

I have been a financial advisor for twenty-five years. I also coach financial advisors. Coaching started as my side hustle years ago and has since become some of my most meaningful and favorite work. I used to coach people one-on-one. Now I assemble cohorts of like-minded individuals and coach them in groups as a mini-community. The dynamic can be very powerful when the right people are put together with the right motivators. People who are coachable and ready for growth are my favorite people to be around. 

Over the years, I have learned to charge a reasonable fee for my work. Whether someone pays a monthly subscription or I bill them an hourly rate, I am crystal clear that they pay me to deliver relevant content, create fresh ideas, and help propel them and their businesses forward. 

What amazes me is how many people are willing to hire a coach, spend their hard-earned dollars on advice and guidance, and then choose to implement nothing, not grow, change nothing. 

How does someone pay a coach and then not be coachable? I can tell you because I was one of those people. 

It was back in 2002. I was returning to full-time work after having a baby the year before. I needed to get on track, increase my profitability in my practice, and be able to afford to pay my assistant as well as myself. I was told by trusted colleagues that it was time to hire an executive coach. 

The idea was uncomfortable and rather expensive. I agreed to pay $1,200 a month to work one-on-one with an expert in my field. My goal was to increase my income by 30 percent within a year. If I increased my income by 30 percent, I thought, I could also justify the cost of the coach. 

I got referred to a well-known coach in our industry. We met. He started by assessing my practice, my calendar, my production, and my pipeline. We met a few more times. He really understood me. He began to point out places where I could improve my outcomes. He was coaching other advisors with practices much more successful than mine, so I knew that what he was observing about my business was probably true. In our meetings, I would listen intently, agree with his assessments, write down great ideas, and commit to making changes—both big and small. I found him to be inspiring.

But then I’d get back to thinking about the stress of having to work more while also raising a baby. I’d obsess about upcoming appointments, having enough time to prep for them while also thinking about how to strategically look for new clients. Then I’d get sucked into my usual business-related insecurities and revert to old habits and what was familiar. 

Essentially, I had changed nothing. 

Three months into the coaching relationship (and after I paid the third bill), my coach said this: “I need to be direct with you. You are smart and talented, but you are a terrible client. You have made zero progress in our work together, and I think I should fire you.”

Fire me? Why would he fire me when I was paying him to help me? 

That’s when he said something that will sound obvious to you but was a complete shock to me.

“Amy, I don’t think you are aware of this, but you are not coachable.”

Not coachable? How could someone with a coach not be coachable? It made no sense.

He proceeded to point out six ideas that he had recommended over the past three months and how I had not followed through on a single one. He showed me where my business metrics were off, where my calendar was still not time-blocked, and that I made no time for personal well-being—all things I had committed to improving. His coaching was clear and direct. I agreed with it all. But I had neither improved nor changed anything in ninety days. 

I had spent $3,600 on a coach . . . only to learn I was not coachable. 

To this day, I believe it was the best investment in myself I had ever made, mostly because, in that moment, I realized that I didn’t want to be an uncoachable person. I wanted to change. I knew that being uncoachable was holding me back. 

I asked my coach to give me another ninety days, and I promised I would do what he told me to do. The positive results were almost instant. 

What was even more surprising was that I found it easier to be coachable than to resist. That was the game-changer. 

I started to wonder if my being “not coachable” was true in other areas of my life. I recalled failed exercise and diet programs, the gym membership I enthusiastically paid for but didn’t use, business books I bought and never read, and annoying habits I promised to work on in my personal relationships but kept perpetuating. I saw confirmation all over the place that I was not coachable. 

 I started to listen and take advice in other areas as well. I realized that if I wanted to grow and succeed in business, I needed to trust the experts who had come before me. I started being more willing to ask for help and turn to others to point me in the right direction and give me ongoing guidance. 

The experience was humbling and enlightening. I started to believe the investment in coaches and outside professionals was an investment not just in me but also in my marriage, my family, and my overall happiness.

Fast-forward to today. I have had a coach, have been in a coaching program, or have participated in a study group of peers for the past twenty-plus years. The collective wisdom of these individuals—and what I continue to learn from them about myself—has been immeasurable.

The learning never ends. Being coachable is humbling. The ongoing investment in my personal and professional growth is something that has made all the difference—in all areas of my life.

 What if today is the day you decide you are worth the investment?